The audience. Part 1: If they tend to be older, why do we get the gray hair?
Many theatre professionals have a love/hate relationship with the audience. On one hand, we want them to enjoy the production. On the other hand, we want them to not disrupt the production with actions normally equated with the maturity of a 13 year-old. Here are just some of the odd and inappropriate behaviors I have seen from patrons:
Cell phones: ringing, flashing, actually being answered! The new trend is texting, tweeting, and e-mailing, or otherwise checking something displayed on the screen. Nevermind the fact that in a dark theatre, a lit screen is like a searchlight, drawing the attention of anyone behind or above the phone. If the stage is also dark, the screen will light up the user’s face. For those of you reading this who attend live theatre, please understand that the cast and crew are directing horrible thoughts at anyone using a phone during a performance,
Taking pictures: this is getting better with the advent of digital cameras, but then you still have the “glowing screen” problem. There are still those that leave the flash on, thereby alerting everybody to the fact they are taking a picture. Now, most of the time, it has been stated fairly clearly and repeatedly that pictures are not to be taken during the performance. Part of this is due to union/performer contracts regulating the use of images from the performance. In some cases it also is to protect the designers’ work from being copied. But the major reason is: taking a picture during a performance is distracting, and if a flash is used, potentially dangerous. Suddenly blinding a performer just before they must navigate trapdoors and moving scenery is not the way to stay in the good graces of the house manager, or the performers on stage. If you feel the urge to take a picture in the middle of the performance, you probably aren’t really watching the show anyway. Keep that in mind if you are ejected from the theatre afterward. Oh, and if the flash goes off when you take a picture in a theatre, the picture probably won’t turn out anyway.
Talking: “WHAT? WHAT IS HE SAYING?“ Well, no one knows, because you just covered up the quiet moment of the show with your talking. In some cases, the performer may not be talking, which means you should be paying attention to their actions. Especially fun are the patrons who were telling a story to their seatmates just before the houselights went down, and feel the need to finish it after the stage lights come up and the play has started.
Latecomers: I will never, ever, understand latecomers who feel entitled to: A. be seated after the performance has started, and B. insist on getting their actual ticketed seats (which are nearly always somewhere in the middle of the row, or close to the stage). Did you just rush in, and miss the curtain by a minute? Ok, fine, that sucks and we’ll try to get you in at the best opportunity. 20 minutes late? No. You’ve missed the set-up of most of the characters and plot. If you still want in at intermission, ok, but you have no right to badger the house manager about getting to your seat. If the other 300-1000 people can manage to make it to the performance on time, you can, too.
Best latecomer moments: coming in 5-10 minutes late, with bags and heavy coats, which are then set down and removed with great noise in a quiet moment. The requisite “Sorry, sorry, sorry…” as they pass in front of each patron in their row that was in the theatre at the correct time, and is now having their enjoyment of the show reduced by two people who apparently went shopping first. The school group who arrived 15 minutes after the scheduled start time (but because they had 60+ students we waited for them to arrive before starting), only to leave 10 minutes before the end of the show because of their buses’ schedules. Not only did they hold up the performance, but had the gall to make all 60 of their students get up and leave during the performance, distracting the remaining students whose schools had planned better, as well as the actors, who wondered what the hell was going on.
Lili Von Shtupp: “Hello cowboy. What’s your name?”
Cowboy: “Tex, ma’am!”
Lili Von Shtupp: “Tell me Texmam, are you in show business?”
Cowboy: “Nope.”
Lili Von Shtupp: “Then why don’t you get your fwiggin feet off the stage!”
That bit from Blazing Saddles should be played as part of the preshow announcement for every production with a low, close stage. Feet are the usual problem, but programs and purses run a close second. An audience member at one performance had the gall to push one of the sound monitors on the edge of the stage off to the side so he could set his coat down. That some people think this is either acceptable or that the actors won’t notice is absurd. Every member of the production team knows when something is on the stage that doesn’t belong there, and actors definitely notice, and remember. Production crews will cheer behind the booth glass when an actor takes or kicks a program or purse left on the stage. If a scene requires a tirade unleashed in the direction of the audience, the actor will tend to direct it at those that that have plunked their shoes into the playing area.
Sometimes we encourage the very behavior we disdain. After all the problems with feet, programs, and purses, many theatres now sell food items that may be brought back into the theatre. This is fine if that is part of the aesthetic of your theatre, or a particular production, but for the most part these just serve as an additional distraction. Beer, wine, coffee, candy, cookies… All these get brought in, and shuffled, and spilled. Try to do a deep, quiet, dramatic scene while five feet away one person eats a brownie and another sips coffee from a white Starbucks cup. Have we been so concerned with getting lazy people to come through the door that we allow them to treat a theatre performance like they were sitting at home with their feet up on a coffee table? Theatre is both a passive and active experience. Why are so many theatres allowing, and encouraging, behavior that distracts from the performance?
The all-time favorites:
Patron climbs on the stage following the performance, and attempts to head backstage, “because I know [actor] ___ ___.”
Patron heads into an empty stage wing (theatre in the round), vomits into a wardrobe quick-change booth, and then sneaks out during intermission.
During a children’s theatre production, there had been scattered problems with younger children climbing onstage during the intermission, sometimes with parent encouragement. To prevent this from happening further, an usher was asked to stay near the stage during the intermission to warn off children that began to go on stage. One usher decided the best way to do this was to go onstage herself, and stand directly at center of the fully lit stage. For 5 minutes it was the “Stern-looking Volunteer Usher Show” before the house manager realized what was happening.
Two patrons have a 5 minute discussion, in the front row, during the first scene of a performance. Not only was it loud enough to distract the actors, it was picked up by the stage audio monitors and broadcast throughout the backstage areas.
Multiple theatres have reported dolls being brought to performances, by adults. But in one case, a patron actually put the doll up on the stage, apparently to get a closer look.
And, in the “I know what I’m doing” category:
Patron climbs up on the stage during intermission, attempts to find split in the main drape. Not finding one, he works his way to the proscenium and tries to get backstage between the curtain and the proscenium. Stopped by crew members. His reason for climbing onstage? He felt the house was “too hot,” and wanted the temperature turned down.
Hudson & Gaines
